The funniest April Fools’ Day news

We love a good laugh here at The Spirits Business, and so it would seem do a lot of the industry.

Sensory whisky tasting with a hose: It must be April Fools’ Day!

April Fools’ Day is always a minefield for journalists. We have to be on our toes to pick the real, pressing news stories from the often satirical, but always amusing, dummy press releases sent our way to trick us.

And admittedly, we were very nearly caught out this year, but to be fair it was by a press release sent on 31 March.

If you thought the spirits industry was an innovative one, think again. The creativity behind some of the April Fools ideas released yesterday (1 April) was stellar.

These are our favourite six.

Buffalo Trace buys 300 acres for “barrel field”

Sazerac CEO Mark Brown has a mischievous streak. Most recipients of his legendary daily industry email newsletter have come to trust its contents, gleaned from worthy news sources, over the years.

Spotting an opportunity to have a bit of fun, Brown included a story of his own on 1 April, that Buffalo Trace Distillery had bought 300 acres of adjoining land to create the “world’s first barrel ageing farm”.

The barrels, he claimed, would be subject to an innovative open-air maturation process, rather than be stored in warehouses. To alleviate security concerns, the group would hire Klink and Schultz “to provide appropriate security services”.

If readers failed to spot the Hogan’s Heroes reference, surely the plan to plan “barrel seedlings” to grow new white oak barrels would have tripped them up.

According to Brown, a 53-gallon barrel can be grown in under 10 years; apparently it doesn’t take so long to trip up a fool.

Captain Morgan releases taco-flavoured spiced rum

The flavoured spirits category may be booming in the US right now, with flavours from smoked salmon to bacon now available, but you’d have to be an April Fool to fall for the new Captain Morgan Taco Rum.

US PR agency Taylor Strategy issued a press release announcing the arrival of the theoretical white rum as a perfect celebratory tipple for Cinco de Mayo, and Taco Tuesdays.

According to the release, the new Captain Morgan expression is flavoured with “blends of cheddar, jack and Chihuahua cheeses, along with green chillies, perfectly diced tomatoes and succulent beef” for an authentic taco flavour.

“We tested countless flavors, everything from spicy enchilada to shrimp quesadilla, but with taco, we are confident that we have struck lightning in a bottle,” Tom Herbst, vice president of marketing, rums for Diageo North America was quoted. “Captain Morgan Taco Rum is set to be the first of many new game-changing flavors for the brand. We encourage consumers to enjoy responsibly and share all their zesty experiences.”

Considering the number of outlandish flavours on the market right now, taco rum may not be so crazy after all.

Master of Malt invents downloadable digital whisky

The online retailer claims the Joculus Snift will revolutionise the way consumers enjoy whisky, eliminating the need to buy the real stuff. A headset that penetrates the gustatory cortex (responsible for the perception of taste) using radio waves and a protein synthesis olfactory trigger called “Artificial Chemoreception”, the Joculus Snift allows users (or eDrammers) to digitally browse, download and virtually taste any whisky.

In what is definitely the most creative April Fool’s joke we’ve seen, Master of Malt claim the Joculus Snift can also display Celtic images and sounds, “such as recordings of Billy Connolly on Parkinson, or Gerard Butler trying to do an Irish accent”.

We’ll stick to the real thing, thanks.

US to allow reuse of barrels in Bourbon ageing process

According to an “official” document obtained by The Whisky Exchange, the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) is recommending the reuse of casks in the production of Bourbon.

The article published by the online retailer would have been perfectly believable, considering the fisticuffs between Diageo and Brown-Forman lately, if it weren’t for the (high profile) names of those present on the document, and the few words left legible.

TWE goes on to claim Scotch whisky producers, who re-use the Bourbon barrels for their own production, are taking action to address the potential shortfall in barrels.

It claims William Grant plans to buy 27 new craft distilleries in the States, Bacardi has bid billions for Brown-Forman, and the Suntory acquisition of Beam was “driven entirely by this development”. Diageo meanwhile, it was claimed, is transforming its disused Guinness site in London into a “multi-level forest”.

Some Scotch producers are even investigating the effect of using other woods, including MDF.

Good one.

Bartenders excited over £120 Himalayan ice ball

Admittedly, we very nearly fell for this one, despite its absurdity. The press release was issued on 31 March (technically, the jokes on you, Story PR!) and apparently printed by a trade magazine on 28 March, so we could be forgiven.

The fact that Dukes Hotel bartender Alessandro Palazzi believed his guests would be happy to pay £120 more for the privilege of having a polar ice cap ice ball in their drink, rather than plain old, boring water, was too much for us to take this one seriously.

Entice, the brainchild of Russian entrepreneur Sergei Vessenneydurak (Google him), is a service that provides ice balls made from “the purest water” sourced from exotic locations around the world, including “the top of Mount Everest, the source of the Ganges, the heart of the Amazon and even as far afield as the polar ice caps”.

Prices range from £90-120, and the balls come with a stamp of approval from drinks stalwart Simon Difford – there’s the clue!

New London bar, run by dwarves

BarChick, that knowledgeable band of cheeky bar reviewers published the news of a new pop-up bar opening in London in May. Nothing strange there.

But this was no ordinary bar. This trendy roof terrace opening was to be run completely by dwarves.

Owner Michael G. was apparently inspired to employ vertically-challenged bartenders after a trip to Manila’s Hobbit House. “Camden should have less punks and more dwarves. It’s happening in other cities, and now it’s happening here,” he was quoted as saying.

All dwarves frequenting the bar would drink for free as part of Michael G’s “Dwarf Love” policy.

Touching, unique, but utter crap.