Top 10

Top 10 funny drinking quotes

26 June 2014 By Amy Hopkins

There are many a clever spirits quip out there, succintly, humorously and philosophically revealing both the virtues and drawbacks of our favourite drinks.

Click through the following pages to see our list of the top 10 funny drinking quotes of all time

From a revered British politician, to a legendary American singer, numerous famous faces have delivered an array of funny drinking quotes.

While alcohol itself may be seen to somewhat impair the faculties, this list of amusing one-liners goes to shows that even the most staunch drinks fans can form a phrase remembered by generations to come.

Click through the following pages to see our pick of the top 10 funny drinking quotes.

Have you got a favourite funny one-liner which we haven’t included? Let us known by leaving a comment below.

Winston Churchill

“The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.”

Winston Churchill, the revered British Prime Minister and great wartime leader, was no stranger to a glass of Champagne or dram of whisky, with reports claiming his daily routine consisted of large breakfast at 7.30am, a weak whisky and soda at 11am and Champagne with his lunch. When attempting to lift wartime spirits, he is also thought to have said: “Remember, gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s Champagne!”

Joe E. Lewis

Frank Sinatra (left) with Joe E. Lewis (right)

“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, ‘I’m thirsty, not dirty.’”

American comedian and singer Joe E. Lewis came up with many amusing drinking observations throughout his career, particularly referring to his favourite tipple, Scotch. Another favourite drinking quip of Lewis’s goes: “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” The performer was played by Frank Sinatra in a biopic of his life, depicting his vicious mutilation by Al Capone’s gang after he refused a request by a gangster lieutenant to contractually sing in his club.

Ron Burgundy

“I love Scotch. Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly… ”

Anchorman‘s Ron Burgundy is the only fictional character to feature on this list, but his thoughts on Scotch have become so iconic, we thought the most famous one was worth a spot on this list. The egotistical San Diego TV anchorman says the now-famous words while inebriated on television. The character’s penchant for the spirit even inspired one company to release a bottling inspired by the film, called Great Odin’s Raven.

James Thurber

“One Martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.”

American journalist, author, cartoonist and playwright was renowned for his wit, which is demonstrated in this quote about the point where one two many Martinis have been consumed. Thurber was best known for his cartoons and short stories, published mainly in The New Yorker magazine and collected in his numerous books.

Frank Sinatra

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

Known for his womanising and drinking, as well as his acting and singing talents, legendary performer Frank Sinatra also said: “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”

It was difficult to select one drinking quote by American actor and comedian Rodney Dangerfield, so here’s another written in his autobiography: “I tell ya, may family are a bunch of drunks. When I was a kid, I went missing. They put my picture on a bottle of scotch.” Dangerfield is alos known for his catchphrase “I don’t get no respect”, as well as his numerous 80s film roles.

W.C. Fields

“Always carry a whiskey in case of a snake bit, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”

Revered comic actor and juggler W.C. Fields memorably performed with an egotistical, hard-drinking persona. There’s a wealth of quotes relating to his Fields’s favourite drink, whisky, but the one mentioned above is a personal favourite. However, Fields never drank in his early career as a juggler, because he did not want to impair his functions while performing.

Mark Twain

“I always take Scotch whisky at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.”

American writer and satirist Samuel Clemens, otherwise known as Mark Twain, is well-known for his witty one-liners. Out of 1000s of articles and more than 30 books, this one stands out as particularly poignant for the Scotch whisky-lover. The Huckleberry Finn writer also said: “Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.”

Raymond Chandler

“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.”

The British-American writer Raymond Chandler produced a wealth of detective fiction, some of which were considered masterpieces. He also wittily noted: “Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.”