Top 10 Inappropriately Named Cocktails

Inappropriately named cocktails

Part of the allure of an interesting cocktail is an intriguing name. Sometimes, however, mixologists can get a little carried away making drinks that are virtually un-orderable (no self-respecting grown man would be seen dead ordering a “Screaming Orgasm” in a crowded bar).

Another area of confusion is misleading names, like the Long Island Iced Tea, which has no tea in it to speak of.

Here is a list of some of the more outlandish or confusingly named cocktails around. We’d like to think this will shed some light on some of the more misleading names out there, and also it might make situations a little less awkward when your friend orders “Sex with an alligator” at the bar.

Sex with an alligator

1 oz Chambord

1 oz Jägermeister

1 oz Midori

1 oz pineapple juice

Mix the Midori and pineapple juice. Pour into a chilled Martini glass. Float the Chambord so it sinks to the bottom and then float the Jägermeister on top.

This cocktail is guilty of a bad name on two counts: not only does it involve no part of an alligator or depend in no way on fornication for its creation, but it’s also a pretty rubbish name for a cocktail generally.

It’s the kind of name that a slightly unimaginative and inexperienced teenager might dream up as a result of a particularly risqué game of “Would You Rather… ”, with the gentle art of subtlety and sous-entendre somewhat overlooked.

As to how it tastes, we’re in the dark as no one here at The Spirits Business HQ has ever ordered one…

Miscarriage

1 oz vodka

1 tbs cherry juice

3 dashes Tabasco

1 muddled cherry

You’re bound to upset at least one person when you order this, and, unless it’s on the bar menu (which is a fairly good indicator that you shouldn’t linger in this bar too long), most barmen – not to mention barwomen – will wince at the mention of it.

This cocktail, and those who order it, are most likely to be found in a student bar somewhere, or at a “Frat party”. To be avoided, we feel.

Monte’s sex potion

2 oz coconut rum

2 oz Chambord

1 oz lemon juice

Mix over ice. Serve in a highball glass.

This cocktail might give people called Monte a possibly unfounded hope that they could get lucky that evening, as a direct result of drinking this particular drink. Other people might be worried that they are drinking a drink destined for someone called Monte. Also, potions generally speaking are pretty grim, and taken only for witchcraft/restorative purposes, so it doesn’t bode too well for this one.

That said, the drink looks quite tasty, so we’ll reserve judgement before trying it!

PS I love you

0.75 shot dark rum

1.25 shots Amaretto

0.75 shot Kahlua

1.25 shots Amarula cream

1 shot double cream

This one sounds a little sickly sweet, but that’s probably the point – cloying and potentially nauseating like a young love-sick couple. As such it’s probably not inappropriately named, but we feel for a cocktail it probably isn’t the smoothest one you could order at a bar…

Dr. Pepper

½ pint lager

½ pint cola

1 oz amaretto

Mix the ½ pints together, then pour in the amaretto. Don’t add ice.

This is a confusing one as it doesn’t have a drop of Dr Pepper in it. It tastes fairly similar to it, though. It worries us that some poor non-drinker might naively order one of these at the bar accidently while after the distinctively-flavoured soft drink…

The Coffee Cocktail

1.5 oz port

1.5 oz brandy

1 tsp sugar

1 whole egg

Garnish: Grated nutmeg

Shake hard with ice. Strain into a wine glass.

Here’s another misnomer, more confusing than the Dr. Pepper cocktail as it doesn’t even taste like coffee, it simply should look like a white coffee if made correctly. It sounds lovely, though, if slightly heavy, so we’re happy to overlook the misleading name!

Journalist

2 oz gin

1/2 oz sweet vermouth

1/2 oz dry vermouth

2 dashes of Curaçao

2 dashes of lemon juice

Dash of bitters

We thought this was a poor choice of name for this cocktail, as it sounds sophisticated and potentially quite expensive, which, as any editorial staff member is aware, is a bad thing on a journalist’s salary. But then again we are wont to have expensive tastes (Champagne diet on a beer budget and all that, especially in this industry…). We’re keen to order one in a bar on Fleet Street in the name of research, and hope the expenses credit card is at the ready!

Lady Diana

0.5 oz sugar

1.5 oz Campari

2 oz gin

1 oz lime juice

Garnish: twist of orange. Serve in a Martini glass.

Our one issue with what sounds like a very nice cocktail is the name – possibly too tasteless? At least don’t chase it with a Journalist then a Harvey Wallbanger … Sorry!

Broken Heart Zombie Mai Tai

2 oz gold rum

2 oz orange rum
1 oz 151 rum
2 oz triple sec
2 oz orange Curaçao liqueur
3 oz orange juice
1 splash grenadine syrup
1 splash  lime soda water

This one sounds like a nice blend of different rums, possibly a little fruity, but how many names does it need? We thought a Zombie and a Mai Tai were separate drinks – here they appear to have been lumped together! The excessive list of ingredients makes it sound highly indecisive with a confusing array of flavours, and you run the risk of losing the barman’s attention half way through ordering it, and ending up with a Broken Heart Martini!

Blood of Satan

1/2 shot Bailey’s Irish Cream

1/2 shot Jack Daniels

1/2 shot Jägermeister

1/2 shot Goldschläger

I’m not sure who would order this in a bar, there can’t be much enjoyment in casually telling the barman you want “Blood of Satan”, unless you’re a Satanist in which case it’s like having Communion wine.